In my mind there is no doubt about your being,
nor confusion: between everyone the main,
like the Almighty wanted you as a string
from our bare Earth to his Heaven's reign:
two eyes that shine like an endless reflection
of the Sun in his still sky, lips like red gates
to eternity, the sum of perfection--
so your apparition in my chest creates
a hold I recognize, 'cause does not know end
which can be soft, or strong as the flames of Hell;
you smiled, you looked around, you passed as sand
through the hands, like the sound of a past bell.
So you were to me, and will be till my last day
though now you left me here and went away.
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Comments
I like the overall flow of imaginery, but the last line in the second stanza sounds weird. Just my opinion.
I like it
Uhm, I looked at it and i noticed now it has 10 instead of 11 syllables >< Maybe it sounds weird 'cause of this... Anyway, feel free to suggest anything to make it better ^^
Very glad you think so!
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06/02 => DD
07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature
I didn't pay much attention to the syllables in my sonnet
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› ¤ ‡ Camilla ‡ ¤ ‹
06/02 => DD
07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature
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› ¤ ‡ Camilla ‡ ¤ ‹
06/02 => DD
07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature
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Let's Twitter!
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› ¤ ‡ Camilla ‡ ¤ ‹
06/02 => DD
07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature
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There are many worlds,
but they share the same sky ~
one sky
one destiny.
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